vintage perfume bottles and victorian bridal hair combs scattered about in vanity. fine art filled the walls.
the reflection starring back at her in the mirror; she did not recognize.
she couldn't identify if this emerging creature was the demon awakening in her, or her savior. a constant identity crisis.
she thought she was trying to live in a dream, but maybe she was just trying to live life.
a million different people, fighting and tearing to absorb, from one day to the next.
to just close her eyes, let it fade into her.
she knew who she wanted to be, she idolized the creature her imagination created; but her imagination and reality differed. her reality; her feelings would not allow her to be this beauty.
to only somehow collide both shadows, to form a single silhouette.
to only grow to accept this creature, trying to get out.
the drugs were wearing off:
the person underneath her mask; a becoming even more of a stranger by the day. fading into the black of shadows.
maybe that person was what others wanted, though; not what she wanted.
when she was high she was able to alter into other bodies, other minds, to understand and even be someone with completely different philosophies than her.
she told too many lies. she exaggerated, she stretched the truth; the illustrations in the book of her life a complete lie; the text, obscured with the finest handwriting. she always told them what they wanted to hear. her facade.
her actions, always motivated by impulsiveness, temptation, no longer by morals or values.
she'll do what she wants without batting an eye or stopping to think for a moment
she only wanted to protect herself; a cheap attempt to feel happiness.
but she knew tomorrow guarantees nothing; people change.
she'd seen the strong yearning for rekindling and strengthening friendships after love has passed.
love can be evil, sinful; for it makes us forget what was important.
what we want today will not always be what we want tomorrow.
she wanted to live for the moment; to not let yesterday or tomorrow influence her decisions.
perhaps love was nothing more than the right timing: two people with corresponding feelings at the same time. a big gamble. everything is only circumstancial in the world of possibilities. nothing is magical.
-shelly scene
