the drops dripping from her fingertips,
she tries to fill a bathtub with.
she desperately attempts to preserve them
it's all that keeps her heartbeat going.
connecting hope to her imagination,
where she hibernates from the world.
she takes comfort in the darkness
while rays of sunshine poke through her window
just to tease her,
remind her of how weak she is to face it once again.
vampiric demons of lust clawing at her soul,
she must cleanse her heart of this deceit.
she presented herself so sweetly, with such loving deeds
even her masks they could never resist,
(always the finest material, laced with diamonds and rubies...)
even when her lies was seeping through the edges,
she sins so gracefully.
her loneliness causes delusions
she cannot distinguish from reality.
impulses she mistakes for sincerity and truth.
all the faces in the crowd around her,
blurred with distorted television static voices.
but she once had a dream her soul was floating outside of her body,
where she could see the scars from sins she commited, and her heart wasting away like a corpse.
the long-lasting fantasy has faded
and now i can finally see you all for what you really are.
-shelly scene
the rain pit-pattered on the roof above her, the rhythm like a single consistent piano key.
vintage perfume bottles and victorian bridal hair combs scattered about in vanity. fine art filled the walls.
the reflection starring back at her in the mirror; she did not recognize.
she couldn't identify if this emerging creature was the demon awakening in her, or her savior. a constant identity crisis.
she thought she was trying to live in a dream, but maybe she was just trying to live life.
a million different people, fighting and tearing to absorb, from one day to the next.
to just close her eyes, let it fade into her.
she knew who she wanted to be, she idolized the creature her imagination created; but her imagination and reality differed. her reality; her feelings would not allow her to be this beauty.
to only somehow collide both shadows, to form a single silhouette.
to only grow to accept this creature, trying to get out.
the drugs were wearing off:
the person underneath her mask; a becoming even more of a stranger by the day. fading into the black of shadows.
maybe that person was what others wanted, though; not what she wanted.
when she was high she was able to alter into other bodies, other minds, to understand and even be someone with completely different philosophies than her.
she told too many lies. she exaggerated, she stretched the truth; the illustrations in the book of her life a complete lie; the text, obscured with the finest handwriting. she always told them what they wanted to hear. her facade.
her actions, always motivated by impulsiveness, temptation, no longer by morals or values.
she'll do what she wants without batting an eye or stopping to think for a moment
she only wanted to protect herself; a cheap attempt to feel happiness.
but she knew tomorrow guarantees nothing; people change.
she'd seen the strong yearning for rekindling and strengthening friendships after love has passed.
love can be evil, sinful; for it makes us forget what was important.
what we want today will not always be what we want tomorrow.
she wanted to live for the moment; to not let yesterday or tomorrow influence her decisions.
perhaps love was nothing more than the right timing: two people with corresponding feelings at the same time. a big gamble. everything is only circumstancial in the world of possibilities. nothing is magical.
-shelly scene
put more passion into the things i love and enjoy. take more photos. if something interests or intrigues me, try it. if i have an idea, use it. stop worrying about what everyone thinks about me. stop trying to please everybody. be the best friend i can be, but don't let anybody take me for granted, and say no when i don't want to do something (be more assertive, improve communication and social skills.) don't let the insignificant events bother me. work on my jealousy issues. spend more time with friends. be more wise about spending and budgeting my money (ask myself questions such as, "what do i want and what do i need?," "what's more important?," "am i really going to use this?" get the fuck ouf of jamestown more. don't expect things out of people that i should know better than to. do more to help out my family, and do more to help animals. appreciate and embrace the beauty of every simple thing i experience to the fullest extent possible.
-shelly scene
